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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24289477">cause it's all memory</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows'>ohallows</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>what we do inn the apocalypse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(technically ig), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Gen, Regret, Team as Family, episode 156 spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:35:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24289477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zolf learns about Ava.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sasha Racket &amp; Zolf Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>what we do inn the apocalypse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753462</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cause it's all memory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>MASSIVE 156 SPOILERS</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Your new room is going to be down here,” Amelia says, pushing Zolf down the hallway. “It’s not much - trust me, you’ve definitely had better lodgings - but you don’t seem like you’re planning on sticking around long, so it should do you well enough for a week or two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf adjusts his weight in the chair, fingers tapping uncomfortably against the arm of it. The Harlequin base isn’t big, and they still don’t completely trust him yet, but he thinks that he could escort himself to his own room without needing a supervisor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d shown up a few days ago, flashing his ring at whatever the cult equivalent of bouncers are, and they’d begrudgingly let him into the base. It had been a bitch to even find it, running around the city for a few days before he got enough of a lead to puzzle the rest out for himself. His ring had carried him most of the way - it seemed as though stonewalling specific questions and having the ring of a respected high-level member of the Harlequins, even an old one, carries you more places than it maybe should. He wasn’t complaining, though - he had questions, and if throwing around his weight and wearing a scowl as he showed whatever low-level member he was talking to his ring </span>
  <em>
    <span>worked, </span>
  </em>
  <span>well. Good enough for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had gotten him in the door, and with a little explanation (and some greasing of the wheel from Amelia) he’d been welcomed in with slightly-less-than-open arms. Seems everyone is on edge these days. But Zolf wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he’d taken it all on the cheek and slowly started to ingratiate himself at the base. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d spent the first day just trying to orientate himself - to see the base through his father’s or Feryn’s eyes, to try and… see the appeal. It’s just - it’s a side of both of them that he’s never known, and will never be </span>
  <em>
    <span>able </span>
  </em>
  <span>to know, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>really, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but he can at least get close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The past two days, he’s been cooped up in the library or the archives, reading through details of past missions and learning about completely new sides of his father or Feryn. It’s where he’d found himself this morning when Poseidon finally lost whatever faith he’d still had in Zolf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lost the water legs today. It had been a long time coming, really, and they’d been getting weaker and weaker with each passing day. So, when he had been sitting in the library and realised all the borderline dirty looks coming his way was because his legs were </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually leaking</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They’d changed to concerned looks soon enough, and then everyone was on their feet and ready to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Harlequins in charge gave him a wheelchair to use to get around the base, and he’s just happy that there are barely any stairs in the entire complex. However, most of the dorms </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the second level, so to help, they’d given Zolf a new room on the same level as the rest of the base. Which Amelia was taking him to now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d been a nice surprise to see there - apparently she was in between runs, and had taken a quick stop-off at Greece to rest up before she and her crew got back up in the skies. Zolf had honestly expected there to be way more of an awkward tension between the two of them, considering he nearly killed someone while on her airship, but she seems as casual and pleasant as ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s actually the one Zolf’s been spending most of his time with, recently. She hadn’t actually known his dad, but she’d heard the stories, and has promised to come up with a few different contacts who he can maybe reach out to for information on either him or Feryn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think I’ll be here for a bit longer than that,” Zolf says, trying for comfortable and landing solidly on awkward, but Em either doesn’t pick up on it or doesn’t care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like,” she says, tapping him on the shoulder. “Harlequins help Harlequins, and all that. There’s no time limit on your stay here. We’re happy to have you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf chews on the inside of his lip. “How long until your next supply run?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Em takes it for the distraction it is, and lets him change the subject. “Mm. Maybe a week? Week and a half? Earlier? Depends on who needs what where. My crew is one of the best, but some places require a more… gentle touch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I could tag along on one of the runs,” Zolf suggests, and Amelia pauses for a moment before continuing to push. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zolf, you know I’d love to have you on the ship again,” Amelia starts, and Zolf can hear the ‘but’ before it even hits. “You just… seem like you’ve got a lot of unfinished stuff here, and I don’t want to pull you away before you get it sorted. Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf knew it was coming, and yet it still feels like just another rejection added to the pile. Em doesn’t say anything else, even though he can feel the regret and guilt flowing off of her, and they head down the hallway in relative silence. A few meetings must be happening as well; there are a few raised voices Zolf can hear as they walk, coming out of half-opened doors. He barely has any context for any of it, but more than a few people seem to be on edge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we be… worried about that?” he mutters to Amelia after they pass by the third near-shouting match, but she just hums noncommittally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. People are usually shouting over </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’ll learn to ignore it until someone is shouting at you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> when you should start listening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to know,” Zolf says, dry, and Em keeps pushing him down the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pass by a painting, a large one that overshadows all the rest of them, and something about it stands out to Zolf. He holds up a hand and Amelia stops, letting go of the wheelchair. Zolf takes control and wheels himself so that he’s facing the painting, evaluating it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a small plaque in front of it, but it’s so old and worn through that he can’t make out any of the words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s this?” he asks, turning back to look at Amelia.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s Ava,” Em explains, as though that’s supposed to explain anything. Zolf just gives her a look, and Em finally glances back to catch the confusion on his face. “Right. Founder. Started everything for us, back after Ancient Rome. She’s a bit of a legend, actually. No one really knows much about her - apparently she didn’t like the spotlight. Can’t blame her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf stares up at the painting, tilting his head a bit. “So why do people think she formed the Harlequins? S’there like… dunno, a… book? Something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More like… stories. Legends, like I said. Made it out of Ancient Rome, somehow, even after the Meritocrats allegedly punished it for being evil. Started a school - or an orphanage, based on who’s doing the telling, and I’ve heard others too - and gave everyone the name Harlequins. Name stuck, kids grew up, passed on the stories, and the Harlequins were born.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Zolf says. “All that survived Rome?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Em shrugs. “You tell me. Was never quite sure myself if it was just a way to tie the cause to something or if it was the truth. I think it’s… bits and pieces of the whole story. After this much time, things get distorted anyway. The only thing we know for sure is that Ava was the founder, and the rings we all wear are a variant of the one she wore so many years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf looks down at the ring on his hand, twisting it around until the spade on the coat of arms is facing upward. He considers it for a moment, and looks back at the painting. This - whoever it is, there’s a silver band on her finger, but not enough detail for Zolf to make it out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Em continues, and comes to stand next to Zolf as she looks up at the painting. “Forgot you never really got the Harlequins 101 when you first got here. Everyone just assumed your dad or Feryn told you about us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zolf snorts. “Kind of hard for them to do that when they’re both dead.” It still hits him in the chest, when he thinks about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks up at the painting again. There’s just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>about it, something Zolf can’t put his finger on. She looks - okay, it’s not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>great </span>
  </em>
  <span>painting, and after 1800-odd years (Zolf thinks - he’s never been the one who’s great with numbers), it’s hard to make out most of it, even if it has been magically restored. But there’s something about it that’s weirdly familiar to Zolf, something about the </span>
  <em>
    <span>pose, </span>
  </em>
  <span>maybe, the way it’s half-turned away from the painter, face in shadow… It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>shy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, exactly, it’s more like… clinging to the shadows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It almost reminds him of - but, no, that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it? It’s just because he misses her. Misses </span>
  <em>
    <span>them. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But he… he made his decision, and he’s going to stick to it. Might as well do that for </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs, and turns away from the portrait, starting to wheel himself along. It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sasha. There’s no way it could be, and the only reason he keeps seeing Hamid and Sasha in the shadows all around him is because he wants to see them again. But he can’t. Not… yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright, Zolf?” Amelia asks, catching up with him and walking at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he says. “I will be.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the working title for this was me trying to write 'zolf learns about ava and doesn't know' but it was such a keysmash bc im emotional that it made zero sense. anyway. please enjoy!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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